That Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Year.

Looking back, we consider the TV landscape of the recent year, a selection of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From awkward sequels to confusingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

And Just Like That

How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with dreadful scripts, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the third series started, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the last series. It concluded on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, viewers undeniably found joy picking apart every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was almost the smallest of this drama's issues. The subject of a very rare zero star review, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing veneration of affluence and materialism? The seemingly wilful parade of tropes? Performances so poor they felt borderline malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this show again. Except, a second season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the restraining orders, abuse allegations and parental shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have known it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this show might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charismatic but dismissive narcissist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we knew it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of pure love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Shady characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing accents. But there were many other issues. Mainly that it was just really boring; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which seemed a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the degree to which she provokes the ire of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint homemaking as deliberate statements. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental platitudes and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by immense, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, self-image, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Instead, the experience was like consuming a sales catalogue. She clearly has every right to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality managing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As players competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something far greater than it.

Too Much

How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the smart recruitment of gifted younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lurching from strangely breezy, slightly stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the content creator renowned for explicit escapades as she prepared for her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and zero interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.